AP tests

Well I finally finished my 6 ap tests on wednesday, and since I know somebody will ask, here's the list again: AP Calculus, AP US History, AP Art, AP Unites States Government and Politics, AP Comparative Government and Politics, and AP Environmental Science. So after taking all those tests, a couple of my grades have dropped below C- level, and I've missed all of my A day classes for about two weeks. and some B day classes. Why do I put myself through this? maybe it's because of the college credit, maybe it's the joy of being the only one to run out of AP labels, or maybe it's just bragging rights (erm... no) but whatever it is, I'm tired of thinking, so in conclusion, it's a bad idea to take more than like... 3... tests. I guess...

I could have put a stupid pun here, but I decided not to.

So a while back I was eating a taco salad, and put iceberg lettuce on it, you know, from the "salad mix" bag, but for some reason, some jerk decided to put not only lettuce in the bag but also little bits of purple cabbage and, get this, carrots! Now I don't know about the rest of you, but who wants carrots in their taco salad? I mean, I guess I can see some reason for having those things in a salad: they add color, nutritional value, you know, those types of things, but lets be honest, who actually uses those bags of lettuce for plain old salad? I've used them for sandwiches, tacos and taco salads, but I've just about never used it for salad. Those little bits of carrots can be really annoying on other things, especially sandwiches. I always try to avoid the little bits while the other people waiting for the bag get increasingly angry, but no matter how hard you try, they always manage to sneak along with the lettuce somehow. Even if you do carefully inspect every piece of lettuce to make sure there's no carrots on it, the taste of it still sticks to your lettuce, making it taste all gross. Eventually somebody's gotta think "Hey, I've got a great idea, you know these annoying little bits of carrot and cabbage in this lettuce we sell? What if we just left them out! plain lettuce! in a bag!" the guy would probably be a billionaire before dessert, but do they do that? nope. my analysis: people who sell lettuce are jerks.

A very legitimate fear

There has been a serious overlooking in United States safety regulations, which has begun to concern me of late, especially with allergy season firing up. While it's true that there have probably been very few cases of anybody getting whiplash from sneezing (fig. A.), What if, while covering one's mouth with duct tape, flexi straws stuffed up one's nose, and being in very close proximity with and facing a wall, Somebody happens to sneeze? (fig. B.)

---Fig. A ----------Fig. B---

It has been reported that sneezes come out of the body at approximately 150 km/hour, which is more than fast enough, if focused right, to cause whiplash. This is dangerous because there are a myriad of conditions under which an individual could be placed in jeopardy by this whiplash causing sneeze situation.

As we all know, duct tape is often used as a means of keeping somebody quiet. This can be accomplished simply by placing a strip of duct tape over the noisy subject's mouth. Often, small children or infants can be annoyingly and frequently loud, so logically, many parents find the solution of slapping a friendly piece of duct tape over the child's mouth a perfect solution. Of course, this loudness often coincides with bad behaviour, for which a traditional punishment is to be made to sit in a corner. Children are also known to be very impulsive, and, as I'm sure we've all realized, one of the first things that comes to mind when presented with flexi-straws is to shove them up your nose. If, while quieted and placed in a corner, the child happens to find a package of flexi-straws laying about, they will inevitably find their way into the child's nostrils. Under these conditions, what happens when the child sneezes? The inevitable result, I'm afraid, is whiplash, and at this young age, it could be damaging for life.

In this nuclear age of history, there are many mutations which may occur among humans. In accordance with this misfortune, 24% of eastereckajavekians are, sadly, born with no mouth. This mutation greatly increases the chance of this mishap only for their race, and as eastereckajavekians are very attractive, this genetic trait could very quickly be spread around the globe, nearly triple the chances of such a sad calamity occuring by only 2020.

These are only a few of the many many ways that sneezing could cause whiplash to any unsuspecting victim, and I ask you, Are we going to put up with this risk in this free country? no! It is imperative that the U.S. Government place a warning label on all drinking straws, to prevent this imminent risk! If you have read this, please write to your congressman requesting that measures be taken to stop the tragedies occuring because of this neglect. thank you for your time.